4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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