if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
