I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
