After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Drake has all the answers
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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