im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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