Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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