The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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