i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
