I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
