we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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