Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
