I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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