Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
