I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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