So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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