hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
