my mouth tastes like poor choices
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
