yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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