So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
