In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
