I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
