Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
