You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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