Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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