At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
