Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
