YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
