I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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