He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
