she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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