I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
