At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize