Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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