I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
