Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
