is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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