girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
