Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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