Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
