So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
