Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
