So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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