You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
