Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Randomize
