I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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