I love having hate sex.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
