I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
