SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
