you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
