I am puke
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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