how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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