wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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