please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
