I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
