im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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