Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
