I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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