i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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