I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
even my farts smell like vagina
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
