I will die if light touches me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
