Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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