Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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