Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
